Dear Diary,

Dear Diary,

Today is just one of those days where everything is being over-thought in my mind. I don't know what to do with myself. I like people that aren't ever going to take me for who i am, and not just by stereotypes/rumors about me. No one ever tries to get to know me. What you see isn't always what you get.  There are a lot of things that are different about me. I get lonely and depressed when I'm alone. Being with friends or strangers is my favorite place to be. I don't know why I am the way I am. But it's the way I was made. I just want someone to love for that. Someone that will ask me questions like "How are you today?" or maybe "Do you want to come over and watch a movie with me?". Someone new. Someone I don't know. Someone that just wants to get to know me. But everyone thinks I'm too loud and obnoxious. I'm only like that in school, or if I know you really well. I'm normally calm and collected. But no one seems to want to get to know the other side of me. I hate ranting but I feel that it is needed. You guys just don't get the pain, sorrow, and agony that it is to be lonely for me. It drives me insane. But no one feels the need to ask me how I'm feeling.

I see a girl in the hallway at her locker. Her boyfriend walks up behind her and hugs her by waist and kisses her cheek. And you want to know the funny part? She'll probably dump him within a week. She doesn't realize the real value it holds when a guy has the balls to show his affection publicly. Girls these days just don't get it. I feel the love that some guys give. I see it happening before my eyes. And then they get crushed when the girl leaves. It makes me angry. Every guy will go after the prettiest girls. When really, the average to ugly looking girls will be the ones that know how to hold a relationship, and give actual love. but EVERYONE is too dumb and too blind to see that. Why can't guys just figure out that someone like me for example would know how to treat them. A call or a text a day is the way to go. not someone who will sit there for hours on end talking about how much sex they would have with you. No. A call or a text conversation a about a real topic. A topic like Chinese food, or Obama, or Antarctica. Anything besides sex, and sexting. Real relationships aren't based on physical contact (though that does make it more enjoyable), they are about the mental connections. The feeling in the pit of your stomach when you so much as hear their name. That feeling when you hear the sound of their voice. The sound your heart makes in your ears when you see them walking towards you. It's all a feeling I've experienced once. Then it all went downhill. I have trust issues. I have a problem with being alone now. Love will ruin you. Until you find the person that will always be there. The one person that will never forget your birthday even though they've only heard it once. Someone who remembers the place, time, and date on which you had your first date, kiss, and met. I hope this shows you the level on which I feel about love. I should stop bitching and go write my damn music.

Excuse my language.

Love to all,
~Kayla