HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Happy Halloween:

Hey guys, I just wanted to say happy Halloween. Have fun dressing up, going to parties, and Trick-or-Treating. Have a great time and stay safe.

P.S. Spread my blog around to your friends and try to get them to follow. Thanks.

Love to all,
~Kayla

Dear Diary,

Boys (continued):

So, my opinion on boys. So far what I've figured out are that there are different levels of guys. One level, this one being my favorite, are the sweethearts. They compliment you every ten seconds, tell you they love you, and will argue with you till kingdom come about your looks. They never call a girl "hot". It would always be pretty, beautiful, or gorgeous. The problem is, sometimes they can be clingy and fragile. So you have to be careful how you leave them if you decide to. These guys are always either really ugly, or really gorgeous.

Another level, is the douche bag level. These are the guys that call women "hot" or "sexy" the first time they see them. They're completely perverted and think they're on top of the world. They don't treat their women right and lie, cheat, and lie some more. The good things about these men, is that they're most likely good looking. Because they're asshole attitude arises from their over confidence in their appearances.

The third level are the moderate men. These men, being in the middle, don't have the courage to call a woman beautiful or gorgeous. But, don't have the asshole attitude to call a girl "hot" or "sexy". The men in this group are always the "teddy bear cute" guys. They're always shy and quiet. But, once you crack them out of their shell, they're funny, fun to be around, and sweet. These guys make the best friends.

Okay I'm making a second part to this. because I obtained a significant other today. He's one of the first type. He's so incredibly sweet. And he never forgets to call me, no matter what he's doing. I'm so glad I have him now. So for now, luckily for you, there won't be a lot of depressing posts. But anyways, I'm going to bed because it's almost 1:30am. Goodnight my followers.

Love to all,
~Kayla

Dear Diary,

Boys:

Okay, I don't have enough time to now, but sometime later today, I'll post my opinions on boys. If you think you know me, you're probably about to be shocked. So nut up or shut up. That is all.

Love to all,
~Kayla

Dear Diary,

Bed Time:

Hey guys. I'm supposed to be in bed, as you've probably noticed. But I find it hard to sleep without having odd nightmares. I think I'm somehow related to Stephen King. But anyways, I just wanted to say that even though I only have two followers, I'm glad someone is listening to my story. I feel that the world needs to know what's going in peoples' lives. If the government wanted to find out why almost 90% of suicides happen, all they'd have to do is check the person's phone, Facebook, Blog, or whatever they have. But it makes me feel a little better knowing that I'm not just talking to air.

To those of you who's first time it is on my blog, I thank you for taking the time to read my lectures. I hope you enjoy this. Well, I need some sort of sleep. I'll be off to bed now.

Love to all,
~Kayla

Dear Diary,

Morning:

Hi guys. I woke up at 6 like I do everyday. Many of you probably wake up at the same time. But the difference between you and me is that I don't get much sleep. I sleep in the spot where the argument between my mother and step dad happened. I only ever get to sleep at 2:00am or later. It's hard to sleep when you can sit there and go through your mind, watching the event that changed your life happen at the foot of your bed.

I guess I should be happy. At least I still have my bed. I'll make another post explaining my current bedroom situation. It's difficult right now. I didn't realize how alone I really was until now. I can think of maybe 4 people that would be here for me and listen to me. I feel like I need help, and I want out of this...

Love to all,
~Kayla

Dear Diary,

Genisis:

Hey. You guys should probably know how I came to be to understand how my mind works. When my mother was 19, she got knocked up by some black guy she didn't know. Thus bringing me into this world as a biracial baby. Anyways, my biological father left before I was born. When I was two, my mother married a man named Todd. We got booted out of our apartment in Pickerington. We moved in with my grandparents when I was 3. Shortly after we moved in, a tragic scene that will haunt me forever in great detail unfolded before my innocent eyes:

I descended the stairs to ask for a glass of water. As I was half way down the second flight of stairs, I heard a low argument. I peered through the banister bars. My mother was sitting at the computer and my step father at the desk. Suddenly he turned around and screamed something I don't quite remember. My mother turned around with a red face and screamed "It's not my fault!". The screaming escalated, and my step father walked towards the stairs. He stopped for a split 4 seconds, stared at me with such vehement emotion, and kept walking. I tried to follow him up the stairs and down the hallway, but he simply pushed me to the side. A few quick minutes later he came down the stairs and went straight out the door without giving me so much as a glance. That was the last I ever saw of my step father. My mother compares some irritating things that happen to his attitude. Other than that, she doesn't speak of the event.

I've tried to keep my head up all these years, but sometimes it's overwhelming. Thinking that you're not good enough, and that you're not pretty enough for anyone. I feel ugly, useless, and unwanted. I feel that at some point in time everyone will have left me. Not by death. But by decision. I feel that no matter what I do, no one will be there forever. If you try to tell me I'm beautiful, gorgeous, or even just pretty, I will deny it. I will deny that anyone wants me. I have been broken two times so far in my life. I'm on the verge of breaking a third time. I let myself be complimented my men because it makes me feel secure. I fall for people too easily. Then end up getting hurt in the end. I want to know what's wrong with me. I would also like to know why no one in my family wants to listen when I say "Can I talk to you about something?". If you'd like to listen, it might sound like I'm complaining. But it is simply how I feel about my life. This blog is for me to get from people because my family won't help. So please, if you can, advice would great help. Comment or send me a message on AOL.

Love to all,
~Kayla

Dear Diary,

I'm making this blog because I feel that everyone has a life story that should be shared. People need to vent. I figured this would be a constructive way to deal with my problems. I've had a rough past, and am now having "boy" problems. If you'd like to follow me through the ups and downs of my life, feel free to read this blog weekly, or even daily. I would appreciate comments with advice, or simply words of kindness. But if you don't like what I have to say, simply be mature, and don't read. I don't like to feel bad about myself. I already have insecurity issues as it is, I wouldn't appreciate them growing stronger. But if you'd like to read, enjoy. I'll start posting tomorrow.

Love to all,
-Kayla